My Imagination's Taking Me Away

I had my last class today. A class that was four hours long. I am not exaggerating, the class started at 11 and went on till 3. On my way to the said class, I met one of my professors who told me that he couldn't believe that we were finally completing our Bachelors. I had to indulge him in his disbelief that I couldn't imagine it either. What I should have told him, instead, is that I have been imagining this day since my freshman year. I should have told him that I have spent four calender years waiting for this day. I should have told him that I have imagined several different scenarios about how this ending was going to shape out and none of those imagined scenarios are shaping out as I imagined. But. I have lived this moment over and over, albeit in my head. No one can take those moments away from me. And right now, when it's physically here, so close I can almost taste it, I don't feel different. It's just another opportunity for me to relive this phase through, only now, other people are involved. People who keep asking me how I feel, to finally finish school, to finally grow up, to finally have a life. And I wonder, what does it mean to live?

I have talked about my strong dislike for beginnings before. Losing the sights of the familiar ground and having my eyes set on the unknown, every step I take feels uncertain. My legs are wobbly, either that or the ground I am walking on is not strong enough. I feel myself drifting from this side, this familiar side to the other side, the unknown side. Throughout this process of transition, I am buoyed around; and this buoyancy leaves me with a pleasant feeling. Every time I feel like I am sinking, I am pushed upwards by this buoyant force. It's not happiness. No, not really. Though I can't rule it out. It's more of a hopeful feeling, a hope so strong I can barely stand it. I want to get inside this feeling, crawl inside it and never come out. I want to tell everyone I meet about it, but words fail me, because what would I say?

I imagine the possibilities, the myriad of opportunities. I imagine my own place, to finally make Virginia Woolf proud by getting a room of my own. Sidebar, I must have talked about my posthumous love for Woolf? Oh, and travel. I know, a job would hinder how much I travel. But I am happy to no longer have to have my years characterised by semesters, my social activities will not be planned around classes. And friends. I know the challenge of making friends outside of a school institution especially for a person with introverted tendencies, but I am looking forward to see how other people's perspectives towards life affect their opinions.

I feel like a little wild bird. And wild things are free.

The title of this post is from the song Alligator Sky by Owl City.