My body's not connecting, no

This past Sunday, a sudden vibration on the right side of my hip woke me up from a nap in the middle of the day. I was lying on my back on the couch with my feet elevated on the arm of the couch when I felt this vibration that was almost, but not quite like the vibration of my phone. It was continuous. And my sleeping self tried to lift my hand to answer the phone because that's what I thought it was. I couldn't do it, for reasons unknown. And I thought I would just let my phone continue ringing. But just like it happens all the time when my phone rings, I thought I could just check who was calling. But then I couldn't open my eyes. And I started to panic. I couldn't move, yet this vibration persisted. I thought that maybe this is how a body starts to disintegrate. The beating of the heart accelerates and then stops. Eyes can't and won't be opened. Limbs can't and won't be lifted. But then I woke up, quite suddenly. I checked my phone which was on the coffee table and there wasn't any notification; no missed call, no text, no email. I stood up and went to make myself a cup of tea. Since then, I've been trying to figure out where is it my subconscious drifts to that causes vibrations so strong they almost feel real. Where is it do I dream?

The title of this post is from the song Nothing's Real by Shura.

The things we will never know

A woman sat on the paneless window on the 3rd floor of the new apartment building coming up near my place. She was there when I came in to clear the sink off my breakfast dishes and make myself a quick lunch. She was still there when I brought my lunch dishes back. So I stood there wondering what she was doing, but not really. It occurred to me then that the future occupant of that particular apartment will never know that on a particularly dreary Saturday, a woman sat there seemingly doing nothing for almost half the afternoon. Or that the construction guys hang their clothes on the windows. Or that there is a single light that stays on at night long after the construction guys have left for the day, keeping guard. I've wondered the same about the space I occupy. What sort of dreams have been dreamt lying in my bedroom which wasn't mine at the time?

It's Here and then it's Gone

It's currently three hours into the 31st and the last day of January. There is something about time -about dates- that makes me pause, trying to remember what this day represents in my past and to figure out its significance in the years to come--will I remember my thoughts right now? what will I remember of 0300hrs, 31.01.2017 in 0300hrs, 31.01.2018?

Sometimes I want to hold on to days; to be intentionally reflective and to be acutely aware of the passage of time, to track where my thoughts wander and (occasionally) lead me to, to process how this moment is shaping my future self in ways that, right now, I am unable to explain. That said, sometimes time reminds me of people who may or may not be in my life right now. Today for instance (and the seven previous 31st of Januaries) I remember a classmate of mine who sat behind me in class. Close to a decade later, I am no longer in touch with this girl. She turns one year older today which is a stark reminder that I will do the same in about five short months. On days like today, I wonder how she is, how time has treated her, who she has become as a consequence of time, what opportunities time has afforded her and most importantly who she is becoming.

The title of this post is the song Time Decides by Trent Dabbs.