When You're Dreaming With A Broken Heart, The Waking Up is The Hardest Part

Sometimes waking up is hard. This is especially so when you fall asleep with a broken heart. And even more so if you are responsible for breaking your own heart. Sometimes your hopes and expectations start out together, and somewhere in an unknown and unforeseeable future, they take separate and completely different turns and before you realise this error, both are too far gone in their journeys. The process of looking for the expectations you had and the hopes you lost becomes a tiring one and yet so dire but going back becomes and remains your only option. Your poor little heart sometimes can't take it. And it breaks a little with every backward step you take.

Breaking your own heart, especially when you knew better is hard to bear. And it's harder when you keep letting yourself down. People will tell you to forgive yourself. But that's easy. What's hard is watching your heart break, again and again, and you trying to mend it every time it does. Sometimes you do a damn good job but it still breaks. Then there is the pain that comes with the mending. You'll wake up after trying to numb your pain with sleep, sleep that was so fitful in its taking of you that you are aware of your pain all along. Sometimes what you think is a nightmare is your reality. But nightmares are still dreams.

This is what I know: sometimes the meeting of our childhood dreams and our adult realities is a grim one. A meeting that has the power to awaken us into a very harsh reality.

There are times you'll want to swallow the sun especially on those days when waking up is hard. The sun will mock you with its brightness and betray your mood with its persistence and instead of cheering you up it only succeeds in burning all the energy you had in you. These are the times when your skin feels foreign; so tight that you feel the tension building inside you and yet so slack as if you are melting. But you have to keep reminding yourself to breathe.

The title of this post is from the song Dreaming With a Broken Heart by John Mayer.