I've Heard it Takes Some Time to Get it Right

There are nights, like tonight, when the moon is out, nights that fill me with inexplicable happiness. There are more important things that I could be doing, that I should be doing. Instead,  I am sitting by my window looking at the moon and its surrounding stars. Tonight is different though: I am asking myself questions; 'am I falling apart?' 'am I making a mess of things?' There is so much going on in my personal life, reasons for my absence from the blog. But right now, I feel like I can trust in the moon to lead me home (wherever that is). I also hope that I'll get home soon (whenever that is).

The title of this post is from the song Wasting My Young Years by London Grammar.

What you Want Can Become Something you Need

Sometimes all I really want to kick start my day is a huge bowl of fruit and a much craved cigarette. Other times it is a good beer buzz, classic rock and a book I can't stop reading--especially on Sunday mornings. And sometimes, all I want is to make an elaborate meal for myself (even though I must confess that I am very lazy and what is elaborate to me is a very simple meal to most people). But there are times, like now, when I have taken far too many shots of vodka and all I want to do is sit and read books that I will be embarrassed to say I have read and listen to the radio (because at this time there are no radio presenters and I can't control the playlist) till six in the morning. And in this alcohol induced state, I think this is really what I want. It is what I need. 

The title of this post is from the song Can We Work it Out by Gordi.

I Don't Want to Let You Down

It's been a while since I posted something here. But I don't have time for something long. I just had to say this: My favourite artist Sharon Van Etten has an EP out. Go check it out. It's called I Don't Want to Let You Down. My favourite singles so far are Tell Me and I Always Fall Apart

When There's Memory To Be Made

There is something about memory that I find fascinating. It is interesting how our minds filter things; losing certain aspects of occurrences while keeping others; altering those kept aspects and making us question if what we remember really happened.

I might have mentioned how I was in a road accident late last year. And this incident is, for the most part, out of my mind. Like I can't quite tell where exactly the accident took place, even though I have used that route numerous times since. What is interesting is that occassionally, I get vivid images of how everything went down: from the second I thought that we were in trouble to the point of impact to the subsequent overturning and the lingering screams. The first time this happened was a few weeks after the accident. I was on my way to town when my mind registered, somewhat belatedly, that the song playing on the matatu's radio was the same one that was playing on the day that I got into that accident. Traffic was moving slowly and I actually found it weird when the matatu I was in got into a fender bender with the vehicle in front. If I were a superstitious person, I would have thought that song was cursed. But alas, I am not. I just find that song a trigger. I can't tell you the title, because I don't know it. I also don't know the artist. But it is a ragga song. I keep on telling myself that I will look it up. But I haven't. And I think I owe it to myself to do it. But amidst all these,  there is a chance that maybe this song was not the one playing at the moment it happened. Another possibility is that I may not have heard of this song before. Maybe it never even played. I will never be sure of these details.

All these, I must say, is influenced by the song Neighbourhood #1 Tunnels by Arcade Fire that I have on repeat right now

 'Then, we try to name our baby
But we've forgot all the names that
 The names we used to know
But sometimes we remember our      bedrooms
 And our parent's bedrooms
 And the bedrooms of our friends
 And then we think of our parents
 Well, whatever happened to them?"

Memory. Choosing whatever it wants to remember.  Letting me know, in no uncertain terms, that I can't hurry it. Keeping things from me when I desperately need them. Choosing to ignore my pleas to point me in the right direction.

The title of this post is from the song The Only Ones Who Know by The Arctic Monkeys.

Get into My Ear: Cough Syrup by Young the Giant

I am about to break down. It's no longer a matter of if I'll break down, it's a matter of when I'll break down. It's annoying. Being on the verge of something and never really getting there and not knowing when you'll get there. Such is my life right now and the reason behind my absence from the blogosphere. So in an effort to find my footing again, I've been listening to Cough Syrup on repeat.

Favourite Lyrics

Life is too short to even care at all
I am losing my mind, losing my mind, losing control

If I could find a way to see this straight
I'd run away to some fortune that I, I should have found by now
And so I run to the things they said could restore me
Restore life the way it should be
I am waiting for this cough syrup to come down

Life is too short to even care at all
I coming up now, coming up now out of the blue
These zombies in the park they're looking for my heart
A dark world aches for a splash of the sun

***

I was walking in town earlier tonight when I decided to walk down a street that I haven't been in weeks now. I noticed (because Nairobi forces you to notice things) this kid running towards me. When the distance between us shortened, I sidestepped to let him pass, but he stopped and said, "How are you, beautiful? Si uniachie kakumi."

Memories

When I was in class five, my composition and English Grammar notebooks all had red circles on the word interesting. I always wrote it as 'intresting'. One morning, (English lessons were always in the morning, I don't know why) the teacher was dictating words as we wrote them down. These were the words we would find in the story that would open a new chapter in the Primary English text book. One of the words we  were to write down was the word interesting. After saying this word the teacher continued, "Mijide, you are another one! I hope you get the spelling of 'interesting' right otherwise I will punish you."
I did get the spelling right and escaped punishment but this incident sort of started a life long sort of watchfulness every time I write down the noun interest and the various different ways it can be used as an adjective.

This, I just realised, was (gasp!!) 14 years ago. But I have been liking the German adjective interessant and loving it even more because one has to pronounce every letter.